Nervous Tension!

The gods be good…

She wasn’t good enough…

She was scared of love for a really long time.

She was nervous. A nervous tension that comes perilously close to fear about what she’d read of soulmates in letters jotted down in newspapers and that strange contraption thingy that saves things in the clouds..

The internet.

The book of Chrysostom they callit..

The things she had seen on the streets…

Or even the relationships that surrounded her when she was a little girl growing up.

She feared love because it didn’t look like something that was positive or good.

She deliberated on trust and honesty but she never really wanted to commit to it..

All it was whittled down to was a whole lot of hurt and ridicule and contempt and anger and nervous tension…

A nervous tension that came perilously closer to fear than nervous tension

She was in this mindset of “love is pain”…

Because most of her relationships mimicked this feeling, but did they really?

Her relationships were filled with fights and passive aggressive stand offs and long weak silences for two weeks in a row and then intense passion..

The saga continued…

Her insides still bruised;

Hyperventilating…

Panick attacks…

She wasn’t satisfied.

There was this constant need for more…

A need to be fulfilled, and it all led to ultimately being let down.

She thought it was right to hate love because it gave her everything I feared it would:

Pain.

I call her the Queen of pain and love…

The dust of anges!

I hate to see you this way baybe girl..

I miss you…

I am sorry that I may have been the one to make it feel like this…

I want to make it better…

He willed himself to relax. to open his fists and extend his fingers and take a deep breath. He had never laid a hand on a woman in anger. Even as a boy, he had the impulse control of an ascetic country priest.

For I can see you stuggling…

Cuz you’ve been hurt by different men…

Girl let me help you fall in love again!

Baybe girl

I can’t stop thinking about you!

If the clouds are full of rain, they send it down on the earth, and if a tree comes down to the south, or to the north, in whatever place it comes down, there it will be. PW

It’s a cold Monday morning. Me, Tucky and Lil’ Mickey are sited by the fire, smoking… and sipping on some good ol’ old fashioned Macallan Whisky Tucky “obtained” from his dads cellar.

Its all good.. We got it covered.

Three weeks now, it always amazes me how it takes an incredible amount of time to do things which are emotionally connected to you. Its amazing!

That’s the period which I have taken just to sit down and start writing this letter to you. Probably more. Though, yet again, I wouldn’t want you to think that I’m obsessive.

I love to write. Storytelling, songs, poems, declarations of undying love and thirst, name it!

But you know that by now. It does to me what drinking does to the depressed bloke sitting at the corner of a Porgy’s bar, sloping his head despondently over an empty bottle of Single malt Scotch Whisky, craving to be heard.

If you have to wash away your problems, you have to do it expensive.

The only difference most certainly, I’m not miserable. Indeed, I must be the most and very HAPPIEST of people; more because of YOU, no matter how hard the past 3 or slightly less than it has been years, that I haven’t been with you –  and more so because God has allowed me and you to still be together for so long.

How many years now, 5? 6?

Its not so important.

Love is not calculated by how many years two people have known each other. Its calculated by how passionate they are for each other, and how honest they are able to become with that passion. There is no measurement here.

Otherwise, it’s great when you are able to become as such passionate in what you believe in.

It changes your life.

It’s a good thing.

It’s a GIFT.

Three weeks my Lady. . .  I don’t know why.

Maybe I’ve been busy; maybe I just haven’t had the will and discipline enough. Maybe my thoughts then were too HEAVY to sit happily on paper. Maybe they couldn’t be expressed. Maybe I just couldn’t get myself to concentrate enough – just as I am getting the hang of it just now. Maybe it was some other thing. Maybe I just need to tell you this WORD FOR WORD, face to face and then kiss you! Or maybe it was Gods way of telling me that talking with you; it is the only way that can make you UNDERSTAND.

Yet, I love to write.

My Lady,

I cannot remember the last time I sat down to write anything. Even after I thought I would spend most of my day in the cover of my laptop and quoting book doing so. All along, its been a long string of never-ending pages written three years ago that I keep on updating. But I am working on something. Something big. something that you will like. That you will love actually, and perhaps in the heat of it all, fall in love with me again too.

Or maybe not.

You falling in love with me is not the most important thing here right now.

We were born to be real, not to be perfect!

I have felt it before.

I know what it feels like.

And I know what I want to feel like and what it will feel like.

Its not what it felt like.

It is more.

Something more than that. Its tightness. Its curves, its wetness, its barely suppressed anger and its happiness. Its bowels turn into water-ness. Its nervous tension. Its fear. Its all exciting. I

So I’m not in such a hurry like I was in before… I want to take my time. Cuz this time, this time its gonna be something big.

My Lady,

I enjoy writing and I enjoy even more writing to you.

I know you appreciate it!

Nevertheless, I don’t wanna take no time to write this down I wanna tell you how I feel right now.

Tomorrow may never come.

Soul Mates

PEOPLE think, like cutting a tree with a razor blade –  that a soul mate is a perfect fit…

And so that’s what everyone wants, to cut a tree with a razor blade.

Don’t cut trees!

But a true soul mate is a mirror, a reflection of your true inner self

THE person who shows you everything that is holding you back. Who shows you the truth about what’s going on in you and around you.

The one you have a communion of wills with, your wills, his will is yours and your will is his, a mutual appreciation, a strong friendship, solidarity and love

THE person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

The person who makes you who you are when nobody’s looking

THE person who changes your life!

A Quibbler might object, but a violet cannot compare to a rose. a rose is much more beautiful. Agreed?
But contrast does not take from the fact that both are beautiful.
Would we be richer if we only had roses?

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet. Not Nelson Mandela (R.I.P).

MEETING them is like opening your first bottle of Champagne.

KNOWING them is like drinking it.

But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful.

Just because you know where you wanna be doesn’t mean its gonna be easy…

Cuz the greatest teaching they have ever taught you is that there is no passion found in aiming small – in settling for a life that is less than that you are capable of living.

Soul Mates.

Some people make you smile whatever time they call you, for whatever reason…

Soulmates.

THEY come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then….

They leave!

C.X.A. Writer., Songwriter., Storyteller., Damn Good Lawyer., Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Being Busy does NOT = Productivity!

Busyness isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect. And even though we all have seasons of crazy schedules, very few of us have a legitimate need to be busy ALL the time. We simply don’t know how to live within our means, prioritize properly, and say no when we should.

Being busy rarely equates to productivity these days. Just take a quick look around. Busy people outnumber productive people by a wide margin. Busy people are rushing all over the place, and running late half of the time. They’re heading to work, conferences, meetings, social engagements, etc. They barely have enough free time for family get-togethers and they rarely get enough sleep. Yet, emails are shooting out of their smart phones like machine gun bullets, and their day planners are jammed to the brim with obligations.

Their busy schedule gives them an elevated sense of importance.
But it’s all an illusion.
They’re like hamsters running on a wheel.

Though being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a moment, the sensation is not sustainable long term. We will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on our deathbed, come to wish that we spent less time in the buzz of busyness and more time actually living a purposeful life.

C.X.A. Writer., Songwriter., Stroryteller., Damn Good Lawyer., Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Seduisant!

My perspective has changed.

It did so because the person I loved the most in the world passed away, unexpectedly.

Her death had me in fits of frailty.

Maybe so fragile that each day I cracked more and more. I was now exposed; all I craved was care. I was in so much emotional pain that I needed to focus on anything that felt good to me. Day-to-day I explored how to feel good, and over time I felt so good that I wanted to share it with someone else.

I want to share it with you..

Still scared of the old story I could recite by heart..

Perhaps with a knowledge that I knew I would have to find new chapters that were better to take its place.

For me, to be able to love well and to be able to see love as good…

…I had to actually find stories and partnerships that resembled what I wanted love to look like.

If I made a manuscript like I made the other day page by page for love…

..the images I’d want to see would be of college sweethearts laughing, sharing, cooking, making love, fucking, laying, smiling and hugging.

Friendship

Fun

To Be As You Are

Openness

Trust

Hugs

Surprises